Today’s funny Tuesday 5th January 2013

A man walks into the Australian Parliament office, says to the receptionist:
“I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an Independent M.P.”

The receptionist replied “Certainly sir. Please fill in this form.”

He was filling the form OK until he came to the question – ”Are you circumcised?”

So he asked the receptionist – “Is that question necessary?”

She replied… “If you are circumcised you are not eligible”

He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised?

She replied….”To become an Australian M.P. you have to be a complete prick

Whispers outfit for Thursday 31st January 2013

Black with pink dress, pink shrug & black trousers

 

I wore this Whispers http://liliawhispers.com.au dress with Crossroads http://www.crossroads.com.au/ pink shrug and Noni B http://www.nonib.com.au/ long shorts, my trusty black courts and pink & silver jewellery set that includes a necklace, earrings and bangle, all hand made.

I have had this dress for years in the back of my wardrobe and I don’t think I have worn it before today. How sad is that, a beautiful dress that after buying it I couldn’t find the right thing to wear it with.

I didn’t want to wear a black shrug and the pink one was on another outfit in my wardrobe squished in until I found it a few weeks ago, matched the colour of the stitching on the dress and the shrug (even th0ugh they don’t look the same in the photo, they are) and I thought, wow another outfit to add to my list.

 

Today’s funny Thursday 31st January 2013

WHY WOMEN ARE SO CRABBY!!!!

We started to “bud” in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn’t even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn’t end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn’t spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary’s Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee’d our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, “Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. “Just one more good push” (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that “cute” wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their “Teen Years.” Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40’s – while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: “The Menopause,” the Grandmother of all womanhood. It’s either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned “buds” or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life’s cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks…

So, while I love being a woman, “Womanhood” would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the “weaker sex?” Yeah right. Bite me.

Outfit for Wednesday 30th January 2013

Thompson Tunic with black Noni B long shorts

I remember the last time I wore this Thompson tunic, was 2 1/2 years ago when I went into hospital to have a platelet transfusion and a cancer removed from my nose with 23 stitches all in one day and finished by 10.30 am, I did get to the hospital at 6.30 am.

It’s not that I have an issue with this dress, in fact I love it. I just didn’t pick this outfit because it was folded up in the summer clothes crate at the bottom.

The fabric of this tunic is a stretch nylon type for the bodice and the skirt part of the tunic is a see through stretch.

When I stand in front of the mirror, you can see through the skirt, lucky I was wearing my long shorts (they come to just below my knees).

The T shirt underneath is a Four T shirt – stretchy nylon type fabric, the same as the bodice of the tunic.

I wore my trusty black courts as I am working down stairs at the office for the next few weeks and as I am going up and down the stairs, I need comfortable shoes.

 

Today’s funny Wednesday 30th January 2013

An elderly Scottish Jew decided to slow down and take up golf, so he applied for membership at the local club.

After a week he received a message that his application has been rejected. He went to the club to enquire as to why he was not eligible.

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?

Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, MacTavish.

Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear the kilt.

Scot: Aye, so do I.

Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under the kilt?

Scot: Aye, neither do I.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?

Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So you are circumcised?

Scot: Aye, I be that, too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.

Scot: Ach, away with ya, man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus …… but this is the first time I’ve heard that you have to be a COMPLETE Prick to join a golf club.

Outfits for Friday 25th January to Monday 29th January 2013

We have a new girl starting at work this week, so we know we will be doing long hours the coming week, so Grumpy decided we could have Friday off work and we went on the boat to start our Australia day weekend early.

La Strada Teal, cream and red dress with cream shorts

Red boat shoes

I wore this La Strada dress on Friday on the boat, this dress has a t shirt type fabric for the bodice and the remainder of the dress is a light weight mesh fabric. It was a great dress for on the boat as not too long, and easy to move in. I wore my red boat shoes.

Red boat shoes

I wore this outfit for my Australia Day outfits on Saturday, I have had this outfit for years, it is a Clarity by Threads outfit, I remember when I wore it a few years ago, we were on the boat, and we had our future daughter in law’s parents coming to meet us on the boat, Kyel my eldest son said to me that he was glad that I had worn something normal for a change to meet Tash‘s parents.

It is made of a stretch fabric, with red stitching on various places on the top and the hem of the bottom of the trousers.

I wore my red sun hat, with a big brim, this outfit is fantastic for on the boat, as it is stretchy with no movement restriction.

Thomson Autumn dress, Suzannegrae shrug & Noni B shorts

I wore this Thomson dress on Sunday, I can’t believe that I have had this dress for years and have only just started wearing it, I could never find and little shrug or jacket to suit, until I found this one.

Gabriella Frattini Green & floral dress with Noni B white shorts

I wore this Gabriella Fratini outfit on Monday the public holiday it is a great top to wear on the boat, drip dry which was very lucky, I gave the little girl a bath when we got home and I got extremely wet.

I wore my taupe boat shoes with this outfit as well as the outfit for Sunday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wore this Mixit Black, Fawn & taupe dress with Philosophy jacket & BooRadley leggings to work on Monday with my 1 and only pair of black patent leather Florsheim shoes that I bought on sale from Myer a few years ago on our first trip into the city on the train.

Our Fantastic celebration of Australia Day

We decorated anything that stayed still on our boat, even Braandi got some, she had a headband with dual flags and a bow tie with the Australian flag. Unfortunately they didn’t last too long, she kept going underneath the chairs so her head band ended up getting broken, I don’t think she was bothered about it.

The  boys all joined in the fun, some swimming, all drinking some getting towed and 1 brave soul, swam over to play on the trampoline with the little kids, he did have to be rescued.

Everybody that came contributed to the day, we had a tossed salad from Olivia & Lee, potato salad and mini quiche from Louise & Shane and Kelly, El made lamingtons, both chocolate and strawberry and some special lamingtons with NO coconut for Tash, Ben, El’s partner made salted caramel truffles that were divine, Kyel and Tash brought the sausages and rolls and everyone brought their own drinks. with the exception of Lorraine & Perry, they brought their drinks the next day, swings & merry go rounds, we have enough on their boat at different times and Mr John, who was a last minute visitor. We did a fruit platter, garlic chilli prawns made with my special chilli sauce, they were spectacular, Grumpy’s cacciatore with mint sauce, icy poles (Grumpy only put a handful in the freezer), and my famous true blue dinky di Shepherds pies, picture and recipe below.

The girls were far more sedate and sat on the front of the boat drinking most of the time.

The girls obviously hid their glasses of drink for the photos, oh wait, they got their drinks after the photos.

My True blue, dinky di Aussie Shepherds pies

Lee’s  True blue, dinky di Aussie Shepherds pies

makes 75 mini shepherds pies

INGREDIENTS

1 kg diced lamb steak

2 onions diced

2 tspn mixed herbs

2 tspns Worcestershire sauce

1 sachet Continental Shepherds pie

1 tin of tinned tomatoes – diced

1 tspn EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil)

1 packet of wontons (Aussie true blue ones obviously, I got mine from the Asian shop near work)

1 kg mashing potatoes

Olive oil spray

Mini muffin trays

1ltr water for potatoes

Salt for the potatoes

PREPARATION FOR THE WONTONS

Precook the wontons

Heat the oven to 180°C

I am lazy so didn’t butter them, I sprayed the mini muffin pans with plenty of Olive oil cooking spray

Place the wontons into the muffin pans, ensuring that the corners don’t touch

spray the top of the wontons liberally with olive oil spray

cook them in the oven until the are slightly brown, I can’t give a time, I just kept checking them.

MEAT PREPARATION

I cooked this recipe in the thermomix, don’t tell Grumpy

Mince meat gently – YOU WANT LUMPS IN IT

add 250g of lamb steak to TMX bowl and mince on speed 10 for 10 seconds,

take this mince out and continue until all meat has been minced

Cut onions in 1/4 and put  in the TMX bowl

Dice onions for 3 seconds speed 4

Saute onions with EVOO for 2 minutes 100°C speed 1

add mixed herbs and saute another 2 minutes 100°C speed 1

Add worcestershire sauce, tinned tomatoes, meat and packet

cook for 20 minutes 100°C speed 1

POTATO PREPARATION

Peel and dice 1kg potatoes

add to TMX bowl

DON’T FORGET THE SALT ( I FORGET EVERY TIME)

Cook for 22 minutes 100°C speed 1

check the potatoes after cooking time to ensure not too soggy

if they are cook for another couple of minutes with the MC off

PUT THEM TOGETHER

Spoon the meat into the cooled wontons

Spoon the mashed potato on top of the meat

Place the trays in the oven approx 180°C and cook for until browned on the top

Today’s funny Tuesday 29th January 2013

The teacher was asking her First Graders what they wanted to be when they grow up.

It was Johnny’s turn.

Johnny said, “I wanna be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs, find a bitch there, and buy her a million dollar apartment in Vegas. Get her a Ferrari, buy her a beach house in Miami , a jet to fly with, get her expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.”

The teacher was lost of words and didn’t know what to do.

So, she just proceeded along and asked Marie what she wanted to be.

Marie replied, “Without a doubt, ma’am, I’d like to be Johnny’s bitch!”

 

Today’s funny Monday 28th January 2013

When you’re from the country, your perception is a little bit different.

A Queensland farmer drove to a neighbours’ farmhouse in his Holden ute, and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door
“Is your Dad or your mum home?” said the farmer.
“No, they went to town.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
“I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.”
“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad.

It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant”.
The boy thought for a moment…”You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”

Today’s funny Sunday 27th January 2013

The Irish Bic Lighter

Bob and Ralph were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Bob pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches,he asked Ralph for a light.

‘Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,’ Ralph replied with an Irish accent, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

‘My God, man!’ exclaimed Bob, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands.
‘Where’d yew git dat monster?’

‘Well,’ replied Ralph, ‘I got it from my Genie.’

‘You haff a Genie?’ Bob asked.

‘Ya, shure. It’s right here in my tackle Box,’ says Ralph.

‘Could I see him?’

Ralph opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the Genie,Bob says, ‘Hey dere! I’m a good pal of your master. Will you grant me one wish?’

‘Yes, I will,’ says the Genie.

So Bob asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Bob sitting there waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the Irish sky Darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks.flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Bob yells at Ralph, ‘What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!’
Ralph answers,
‘Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat DA Genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?’