Camp Quality Grainger Style


Camp Quality Grainger Style

On Sunday we participated in Camp Quality at our club (MOFSC, Mandurah Offshore Fishing and Sailing Club). It was our first time as we were under the impression that it was only for house boats and pontoon boats.  because they are able to do crabbing and fishing up the estuary and we are not.  I  have since spoken to a lot of bigger boat owners at the club and all were disappointed that they were not aware of the need for different types of boats to be involved and I am sure that next year, they will try and keep the date free to be able to get involved.

Our club co-coordinator approached us a few weeks ago and asked if we would consider using our boat to take some families of the Camp quality kids around the estuary, we did explain that we didn’t think our boat was suitable due to the draft (the amount of water we need under the propellers,)  we were advised that ALL boats are suitable.  We said yes we will join the others. We had 4 families on our boat, and  we had a fantastic day. Even Grumpy dressed up.

The theme for our Camp Quality day is pirates.  There were that many pirates at our club on Sunday it was not funny.  There were  over 200 people that our boating members took out on the water for a few hours.  Water fights (water bombs, water guns, pistols, hoses and by one cheating pirate, buckets) were the highlight of the day. Unfortunately for our guests, I didn’t prepare very well (Grumpy’s words) because I didn’t fill up any water balloons so we had one of the boys, one of the mothers and 1 of the fathers filling up and getting ready the water bombs, to our detriment, however, we kept running out of ammunition and we wore the brunt of most of the other boaties firing lines.  In other words, were got soaked the entire time.

My friend Shelley and I made 100 lolly bags, one for each of the kids, we had to ensure that all children received a lolly bag, as it would have been unbearable for any child to be without. We had a lovely BBQ lunch with lots and lots of crabs, (250) that were donated by one of the local fisherman. One of the local supermarkets donated and fishing rod and reel for every child, we had bread rolls donated, someone made a huge cake with Camp Quality on it. It never ceases to amaze me, the generosity of our community.

Nearly all the boaties dressed up in pirate gear and we were no exception, I did go to the fancy dress shop and found that I wasn’t impressed with the selection of the clothing so  I went through my closet and found a red and white striped shirt, a black vest and a pair of harem pants, Grumpy wore his Maritimo shirt and Braandi was all dressed up in a pirate outfit.  We had so many comments about her as ran around the boat in her costume and just look gorgeous.

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We had 2 mermaids come up on the beach and I took the little girl down to have a swim, big mistake, she wanted to swim and look for fish, so the rest of the afternoon while we were sitting having lunch she whimpered and made all sorts of whiny noises, until I noticed a border collie swimming in the beach, so I let her go down and swim for another hour or so before it was time to go home.

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Today’s funny Saturday 24th August 2013


The best Genie Joke in the World Ever!!!!!!
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.’
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, ‘Come on in.’
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, ‘Are you the people that broke my window?

‘Uh…yeah! , sir. We’re sure sorry about that,’ the husband replied.

‘Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for my self.’

Wow, that’s great!’ the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, ‘I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.’

‘No problem,’ said the genie ‘You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!’

‘And now you, young lady, what do you want?’ the genie asked.

‘I’d like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,’ she said.
‘Consider it done,’ the genie said. ‘And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!’

‘And now,’ the couple asked in unison, ‘what’s your wish, genie?’

‘Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.’

The husband looked at his wife and said, ‘Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?’

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, ‘You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?’

You know I love you sweetheart,’ said the husband. I’d do the same for you!’

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.

The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?’

‘Why, we’re both 35,’ she responded breathlessly.

No Kidding,’ he said.

‘Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?’

 

Today’s funny Friday 23rd August 2013


Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: ‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem’.
‘I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him

“Youa gonna try again!”

Today’s funny Saturday 17th August 2013


2 bin bags

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic bin bags behind her.

One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a £20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, ‘Ma’am, there are £20 bills falling out of your bag.’

‘Oh, really? Deary me!’ says the little old lady. ‘I’d better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me…’

‘Well, now, not so fast,’ says the cop. ‘How did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?’

‘Oh, no’, says the little old lady.

‘You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium car parking.

On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden.

So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers.

Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, ‘£20 or off it comes.’

‘Well, that seems only fair.’ laughs the cop. ‘OK? Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?’

‘Well, you know’, says the little old lady, ‘not everybody pays.’

 

Today’s funny Thursday 8th August 2013


One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.

‘Oh please excuse me,’ said the bunny. ‘I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.’

‘That’s perfectly all right,’ replied the snake. ‘To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?’

‘Well, I really don’t know,’ said the bunny.. ‘I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.’

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, ‘Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!’

The bunny said, ‘I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?’

The snake replied that he didn’t know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, ‘Well, what kind of an animal am I?’

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, ‘You’re cold, you’re slippery, and you have no balls…You must be Kevin Rudd.

….why not a bit of humour

 

Today’s funny Thursday 1st August 2013


At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEO's of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of the day's conference.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the barman: "In 'straylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a Bladdy Fosters, mate!"

Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the King of them all, gimme a Budweiser!"

Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented das beer, verdammt. Give me ein Becks, ja ist der real King of beers, danke."

Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: "Barman, would ya gie me a doyet coke wid ice and lemon. Tanks."

The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces.

Eventually Bruce asks: "Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?"

Paddy replies: "Well, if ya fookin'pansies arent drinkin', then neither am I"

Today’s funny Monday 29th July 2013


Blonde sick of blonde jokes

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off to work she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replied that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said . . .

“FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS”

 

Today’s funny Sunday 28th July 2013


A fart it is a  pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed  in winter,  And suffocates  the fleas.
A fart can be  quiet, A fart can be  loud,
Some leave a  powerful, Poisonous cloud
A fart can be  short, Or a fart can be  long,
Some farts have  been known to sound like a  song……
A fart can create  A most curious  medley,
A fart can be  harmless, Or silent , and  deadly.
A fart might not  smell, While others are  vile,
A fart may pass  quickly, Or linger a  while……
A fart can occur  In a number of  places,
And leave every  one there, With strange  looks on their faces.
From wide-open  prairie, To small  elevators,
A fart will find  all of Us sooner or  later.
But farts are all  bad, Is simply not  true-
We must never  forget……. Sweet old farts  like you!