Today’d funny Friday 17th May 2013

Bunnings

This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less… adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I worked all last week with a construction crew building a house.”

“My goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”
The little girl replied…

“I will if those useless pr.cks at Bunnings ever bring us the f #%^ng gyprock!!”

Today’s funny Wednesday 3rd April 2013

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and  there was no  sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front  room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door..

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’

She again smiled and answered, ‘You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?’

‘Yes,’ was his incredulous reply.
.
She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.’

 

Today’s funny Monday 26th March 2013

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now … We have an $800,000 home, a $65,000 car, a nice big bed and a large-screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of the bargain.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems!

 

Today’s funny Friday 14th December 2012

ITALIAN BOY’S CONFESSION

This could only happen with a little Italian kid..

‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

I have been with a loose girl’.

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?’

‘Yes, Father, it is.’

‘And who was the girl you were with?’

‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation’

’Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.’

’Was it Tina Minetti?’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’

‘I’ll never tell.’

‘Was it Nina Capelli?’

‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’

‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’

‘My lips are sealed.’

‘Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?’

‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’

The priest sighs in frustration.

‘You’re very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that.

But you’ve sinned and have to attone.

You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.

Now you go and behave yourself.’

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’

’4 months vacation and 5 good leads’ !!

 

New curtain for rear of flybridge

New curtain for rear of flybridge

Today as the wind was up and the weather was not conducive to boating weather, we had to stay at home, we decided that when we move into our new home, we will have to house our boat at a marina in or near Fremantle and when we did we would have to work on a new curtain for the rear of the flybridge.

I made the old curtain a few years ago from white polar fleece, which in itself served the purpose it was made for, but was not exactly pretty to look at. We decided that as we weren’t able to use the boat we might as well work on getting the new curtain sorted.

The afternoon sun comes into the clears at the back and creates a lot of heat and the possibility of fading so as soon as we got the boat we made the rear curtain. We also have a front curtain to stop the morning sun.

I was clearing out the linen cupboard on my day off and found a bundle of curtain fabric that we purchased years ago for one of the other boats and we were going to measure it to see if it would fit. Before we got to the measuring stage, Grumpy said it need to have the same tape as on the front curtain (he meant the tape for pleating the curtains and putting the hooks on. I thought I might have some in my sewing cupboards but I didn’t, I looked on the internet and Spotlight didn’t open until 11am, what a pain, when we want to do something, we want to do it now.

While I was looking on the internet I said to Grumpy what about these curtains that are in our lounge room, we don’t use them very much, they are only there to stop the afternoon sun from shining on the TV. He agreed good idea. So we pulled them down, I unpicked the seams, joined them together. He punched the holes and put eyelets in it, hung it up, drew the hem and I cut it and sewed the hem and now we have a fully lined curtain for the flybridge that will stay up when we aren’t using the boat and when we are on a mooring or on anchor to keep out the heat and protect the timber and furniture.