Today’s funny – A MUST READ FOR PARENTS OR GRANDPARENTS!

A MUST READ FOR GRANDPARENTS!
Have Kids Or Grandkids???

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, ‘Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?’
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

‘Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?’
The little boy nodded ‘yes!’
‘So,’ the coach continued, ‘I’m sure you know, when an Out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you understand all that? ‘
The little boy nodded ‘yes’ again.

He continued, ‘And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play too, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach “a dumb ass or shithead” is it?’
The little boy shook his head ‘NO!’

‘GOOD!’ said the coach . . . ‘Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!’

Today’s funny Tuesday 16th April 213

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What’s it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He looks at the pieces, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.

He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax.

Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then…..” he says with a deep sigh

“…………We’ll put all these Corn Flakes back in the box.”

Today’s funny Wednesday 6th January 2013

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed… “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly parted.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb….. But all men…Are men!

GLOBAL FACTS ABOUT SEX At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex – right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.

Saturday’s funny 1st December 2012 today

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet  twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m  completely nude”.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,

“Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed…”YES

YES, I WON, I WON!”

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumb founded

Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I  don t know – I thought you were watching.”

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men, are men.