Today’s funny Thursday 4th July 2013

New Words for 2013

* SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY. A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.  Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.  Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or  a project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.  A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

* SALMON DAY.  The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.  (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

*  SINBAD.    Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.    One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* AUSSIE KISS.    Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* OH – NO SECOND.    That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’).

* GREYHOUND.   A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.  A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES: The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH : A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: ‘Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!’.

* MYSTERY BUS:   The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

* BEER COAT: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3:00am .

* BEER COMPASS : The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL:  Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* TART FUEL: Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

TRAMP STAMP: Tattoo on a female

PICASSO BUM: A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got 4 buttocks



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