Christmas (Xmas) in July Grainger Style

I love Christmas, well Santa’s really.

I have loads and loads of Santa’s and his helpers, some hand made and some bought, but I love them all.

10 years ago our  sons moved out of home and that was the last time that my Santa’s and his helpers saw the light of day. Last November, due to major health issues my in-laws moved into our home, and Grumpy Grainger decided that the Santa’s and his helpers could move to our lock up, poor buggers, banished to the cold and damp. So he picked them all up and took them down to the dark and damp lock up, where they sat waiting patiently for me to set our house up at Christmas time, that wasn’t going to happen or organise a  Xmas in July.

What started out as me wanting to set up our home with the Santa’s and his helpers turned out to be a wonderful evening.

I initially put up an expression of interest for our friends on Facebook, expecting no more than about 20 of our friends, and all of our friends said that they wanted to come, so I decided to contact our club and see if we could hold the function (the numbers had grown to about 40 people at this stage and we didn’t want to have that many people in our home on a cold winters evening) at the MOFSC, well it took a bit of pressure on my part with a lot of pressure from Grumpy and we finally agreed on a cost for the meal and the night so I then created flyers and tickets, and each Thursday and Friday evenings I put flyers around the club and on the Saturday evenings, the girls from the restaurant put more flyers on the tables.

Well the numbers got to 72 on the evening, however 1 couple were not able to come as poor Marina broke her arm on her bike the previous weekend, so we had 70 attendees.

It was so much fun, the theme for Secret Santa presents was naughty or nice, and everyone had to buy a gift for the same sex to the value of $15, wrap it in newspaper and put a B for boy and G for girl on it, some people didn’t read the instructions very well and wrapped then pressies in pretty or Xmas paper.

We had a big blow up Santa on a Harley Davidson in the corner, on loan from Diane & Coleman, Anita borrowed some fantastic reindeer (Some were handmade) from her art class, we had a true Aussie Christmas tree (a potted green ficus), with g strings attached, decorated in true Christmas form and Santa’s and their helpers everywhere. The dinner started at 6:30 and once it was dark outside and the lights on the setting was like a true Christmas grotto.

Some of the pressies were a real laugh and everyone got into the spirit of the evening, I even dressed up as Sassy (my friend Bryan called me Sexy) Mother Christmas with my lovely short dress, stockings and broken suspenders.

A big thankyou to the ladies who came and helped me set up the Santa’s and the tables.

All we have to do now is book again for next year, I am thinking the theme might be hand made or DIY??

Today’s funny

THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE
A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: “Can we have sex?”

“No,” she replies, “I’m married to God.”
She stands up, and Gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:”I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!”

“Yeah?”, says the hippie.

“Yeah!”, say the bus driver. “She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray,
So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put’ some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God.”

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.

“I am God,” he declares to the nun, Keeping the hood low about his Face. “Have sex with me.”

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

‘God’ agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

“Ha-ha,” he cries. “I’m the hippie!”

“Ha-ha,” cries the nun. “I’m the bus driver!

 

Today’s funny – A MUST READ FOR PARENTS OR GRANDPARENTS!

A MUST READ FOR GRANDPARENTS!
Have Kids Or Grandkids???

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, ‘Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?’
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

‘Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?’
The little boy nodded ‘yes!’
‘So,’ the coach continued, ‘I’m sure you know, when an Out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you understand all that? ‘
The little boy nodded ‘yes’ again.

He continued, ‘And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play too, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach “a dumb ass or shithead” is it?’
The little boy shook his head ‘NO!’

‘GOOD!’ said the coach . . . ‘Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!’

Today’s funny, 17 September 2013

The Pope was having a shower. Although he was very strict about celibacy, he occasionally needed to exercise the Papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions.

Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air.

“Hold on a minute!” said the Pope, “You can’t do that – you’ll destroy the reputation of the Church!”

“This is my lottery win”, said the photographer, “I’ll be financially secure for life with these photos!”

So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer, and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of $2 000 000.

The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera. Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper. Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said, “That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?”

Not being one to lie, the Pope replied, “….two million dollars…”

“TWO MILLION DOLLARS!” replied the housekeeper. “They must have seen you coming!”

 

 

Today’s Tuesday 30th July 2013

Chinese Honeymoon

A Chinese couple gets married — and she’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:

“My darring” he says, “I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten.
I plomise  you, I give you anyting  you wan, I do anyting  jus anyting you wan, you say.  Whatchou wan?” he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, “I wan ……  numba 69.”

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries……… “You want… Beef wif  Broccori.”?

 

Highest amount of views ever!!!!!

I opened my iPad to upload today’s post and found that yesterday i received the highest amount of views EVER!!!!

I was very pleasantly surprised to find that I had my highest amount of views yesterday.

i said to Grumpy, see I got even more than yesterday especially after your  nasty comment, people do  Like my jokes”

he said “yeah, by posting another joke, a dig because I haven’t had time to post more fashion posts”

i did, I put a post that a follower of mine from Polyvore posted about my fashion sense!!!

I hate this iPad, it has minuet ages to type this as it keeps changing my words and then the keyboard disappears  and thenI can’t backspace.

I will NOT let it upset me!!!!!

 

Grumpy’s beef; vegetable soup

We had some vegetable soup last night at Mindarie Marina out on the jetty, it was ver cold, one of our friends had made some vegetable soup and she shared it with all who were sitting out there in the cold with their beanies and nana rugs. It was just the thing to warm us up.
Might not look fantastic but tastes great, fills the hole and is nice and warm

 

Today’d funny Friday 17th May 2013

Bunnings

This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less… adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I worked all last week with a construction crew building a house.”

“My goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”
The little girl replied…

“I will if those useless pr.cks at Bunnings ever bring us the f #%^ng gyprock!!”

Today’s funny Sunday 13th May 2013

BREAKFAST IN PARIS
An Australian is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.    The Australian ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: “You  Australian  folk eat the whole bread??”

Australian   (in a bad mood): “Of course.”

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t.  In France, we only eat what’s inside.  The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to  Australia.”   The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Australian listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: “Do you eat jam  with the bread??”

Australian    “Of Course.”

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

“We don’t.  In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to Australia .”

After a moment of silence, The Australian then asks: “Do you have sex in France?”

Frenchman: “Why of course we do”, he says with a big smirk.

Australian “And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?”

Frenchman: “We throw them away, of course.”

Australian: “We don’t.  In Australia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France.”

Today’s funny Saturday 12th May 2013

BRAIN OF A Italian:

This is a true incident that happened in New York

An  Italian man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for  the loan officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan. The Italian man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out.

The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.  An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.  While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000”

The Italian replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'”

Ah, the brain of the Italian …